Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I think since the blog started, I've never post any thoughts or any sentimental stuffs (wonder why??... Isn't that why people have blogs?). I'm always telling people about cg meets and annoucements but never something from my heart... Hmmm...

Was just reflecting the other day and thoughts of being cell leader now made me cringed a bit... No idea why... Maybe becoz now I have to make decisions regarding cg most of the time, instead of consulting in Richard or Kenneth like in the past. I mean of course I can still consult Victor, but I can't call him every week before cg to ask him stuffs. It's like the responsibility on me is getting heavier.

And I fear.

Come on now... It's the start of my sem 5 as well! How am I gonna cope with sem 5 and being a cg leader at the same time? Maybe I'm exaggerating the situation, but for a rookie like me, being a cg leader IS a BIG thing. WHat if I'm a terrible leader? Crazy thoughts like leading the group astray haunted me for quite some time when I was an intern. I can't possibly take that kind of responsibility!

And then, there were Kenneth, Richard and Jui Jien who were with me. If we could all do this together, it wouldn't be so intimidating I guess. Along the way, I received alot of encouragement and advice from many different people. My ex-cg leader from pre u, Grace Yong and Elizabeth gave me alot of encouragement. They shared their experiences with me and help me cope with my fears. Of course, I've learnt a lot from Philip, Sarah and Kenneth too. Each previous cg leader actually help shaped me into who I am today. As for Richard, it's been great serving together with you (although you need to brush up you joking skills... hehehe). I really hope and pray that you'll be a good doctor in the future. All the best in Seremban!

The most important figure in this whole picture is none other then God Himself. Maybe I didn't see it then. But now as I look back, His hands has been with me, on me and behind me all the time. It's always like that, isn't it? We don't see God moving at that moment, but when we look back, all we can say is it wouldn't be if it wasn't for Him.

I still remember when a friend of mine once gave me this verse : Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity - 1 Timothy 4: 12. I have always fear because of my relative young age as a Christian. How could I, a mere Christian for less than 5 years possibly take responsibility as a cg leader? Till today it baffles me... My friend told me then, it's not about the years nor experience, but what has grown in the heart. If God gave me the responsibility, then He will provide the resources that I need.

Because of this verse, I stand today. Out of my comfort zone, taking each step in faith.

Thus I look forward to my new experiences as a cg leader, and I hope and pray that I'll do a good job. I ask all of you to pray for me, and also with me.

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